I don’t know what to make of the past month. It’s a blur. At times I felt like nothing could stop me, yet mere moments later, I felt like my world was falling apart. As I see the cursor wink at me and listen to the thoughts running through my mind, I can’t help but to continue questioning my decisions. Have I run into something that causes me to push myself down and results in disappointing myself? Or am I simply making something out of nothing. I almost feel as if I’m waiting for something bad to happen. Perhaps the persistent dreams of chaos and injury make way for the thoughts of negativity. Nevertheless, with tomorrow gone, a large burden will finally be lifted off my shoulders and I can concentrate on God, school, spending time with the people I love, and living life.
@4 days ago
Christianity is a frighteningly arduous path. Pastors often preach the challenges that each believer must face and say that it will not only be challenging, but unique. However, that is the beauty of it. God purposely gives us challenges that are trying enough to truly cause distraught and struggle, yet He knows our hearts so well that He knows what we can handle.
@2 months ago with 1 note
So I put my faith in the one and only King that knows me better than myself and proclaim this personal commitment to stand strong in the midst of the endeavor to overcome this difficulty because it is something that will pass because Jesus is already victorious.
Instead of feeling inadequate, I know I am more than enough with God
Instead of feeling lost, I know there is a God who loves me
Instead of feeling alone, I know there is a God who stands with me
Going home just allows the brokenness and troubles to resurface. The problems that I thought were left behind long ago linger like scars. It’s as if I thought I could finally escape the dreaded fate that was waiting for me by being in Boston. How naïve of me. Now there’s only one thing that I can worry about because everything else in its presence seems worthless and petty. I feel sorry for my parents and wish I could do more. I feel sorry for the important people in my life because I wish I could be better. When I see the grim future, I don’t want time to move forward. I keep telling myself that there should be something more that I could do, yet I come up with nothing. I even have dreams, almost as if they were writing the future. I guess “dreams” isn’t the right word, rather, nightmares.
@2 months ago
As I reflect upon the past year, only a few things come first in my mind. 1. How quickly it flew by. 2. The relationships I’ve come to cherish. 3. My abilities and my limits. With the sudden realization that I’m already halfway through my undergraduate career, I’ve come across a question that I have trouble answering. What have I done/am I doing with my life? I like to think that I’m somehow special as a result of what I’ve accomplished. But all of the accolades that I’ve garnered over my short college career is negligible. Nothing really shines, nothing really catches the eye. It pains me to say it, but I really have no other word to describe my abilities: Average. Nothing about me is very special or superb. Rather, all that I have done and have been doing is so small. Seeing my friends accomplish great things or go on to chase their dreams is only a feat that I can imagine. I really don’t know what kind of goals I have. Just to become successful? Make lots of money? If that’s the case, then I’m clearly living life with the wrong motives. I hope that the small things I’ve accumulated over the years can prove useful to me, because quite frankly, I’m going to be an average guy with an average life. I can see it, my future, almost as boring as crunching numbers forever. No offense to those who do that for a living. Y’all are great and everyone needs you to do your job or else other jobs would suck.
Anyways. Seems like this time of year is so fruitful for relationships. Yet, I’m met with nothing. I joke around with people that “I wish I had a girlfriend”, but it’s actually said with truth behind it. Not that I want a girl just for the sake of having a girlfriend, but someone to love, someone to cherish, someone that would accept my failures and wouldn’t judge me when I talk to them. That’s all that I’d want. But then again, it’s not like I have a choice. Whatever, girls are confusing and I never know what’s going on in their minds.
I know that sophomore year is mostly a “slump” for people, but since my freshman year was so bad, I think sophomore year was pretty good. I got to meet good people and further relationships more than I had anticipated, and even did better in school. So things are finally looking up, and I have some breathing room with this summer. PTL. Here’s to a great year and for many more to come. I don’t know who I’m saying this to. It’s a blog. So followers? Whatever, I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point.
@4 months ago with 4 notes
Listening to my professor talk about this new protein that we’re researching continues to leave me shocked. I found out that this new protein is not only related to senescence, but is also a tumor suppressor, an Alzheimer’s disease treatment/cure(?) and even an intelligence booster. With a large sample size, all from different areas around the country, people that expressed higher levels of this protein scored, on average, 6 points higher on IQ tests than people with less of the protein. So, if things go well with pharmaceuticals, then an intelligence enhancing, cancer suppressing, life-extending, and Alzheimer’s curing drug could be created. If that’s not a miracle drug, I don’t know what is.
I’m still in awe that I’ll be working on something so substantial. But here’s to medicine and a brighter future for all.
@4 months ago with 1 note